The United States Senate recently passed a resolution designating January 2010 as National Mentoring Month (http://www.nationalmentoringmonth.org/news_events/pressreleases/senateresolution2010/). It was intended to cast a spotlight on the need for youth mentors throughout the United States. Though Odyssey Mentoring is dedicated to professional mentoring, our roots are in youth mentoring.
Throughout the 1990’s I was a founder, volunteer and later executive director for the New Mexico Youth at Risk Foundation. My passion was bringing quality mentoring programs to at-risk middle school students. Our programs allowed hundreds of young people to transform their lives with the guidance and commitment of amazing adults who volunteered their time. My job included enrolling the adults, youth and other volunteers, providing the mentor training for the adults and leading the weekly workshops for them. I also served as a mentor in several of our programs. These programs were my training ground.
The most important thing I learned about mentoring is that it is not a “monkey see, monkey do” process. It is a powerful relationship between two people who are both committed to the mentee’s goals for his or her life. The best mentors learn how to ask questions that make their protege think about what they are doing or facing in new ways that support positive choices and creative problem-solving.
One of my mentee’s, Claudia, was an 7th grader with failing grades. She was bright, energetic and from a family that was in shambles. Her parents fought with each other constantly and she fought bitterly with her older sister just as frequently. They lived in a Habitat for Humanity house, but didn’t have the resources to maintain it. The middle school she attended was a recruiting ground for the local gangs. And Claudia was a chatterbox who could not sit still or be quiet in class. Her sister had been in our program the previous year.
After I made my presentation to 300 students, 25 applied for our mentoring program, Claudia included. She was one of the most courageous young people I have ever met. She was willing to work on her problems with the course leader, in front of everyone. Her sister was volunteering that day and when the seriousness of their sibling rivalry came to light, he brought them both to the front of the room. They literally transformed before our eyes. Later, after their mother’s suicide attempt, they were able to rely on each other and survive the trauma together.
But her grades continued to flounder. One day we were working on what goals she could have for the rest of the program and she said she wanted to make B’s instead of D’s and F’s. When I asked her what she thought it would take, she offered that perhaps her teachers might allow her to make up all of the failing work since the beginning of the year. It was December. When I asked her what would have to happen for her teachers to allow that, she asked if I would meet with them. For a moment I thought about doing that and then a light went off and I said, “What do you think would happen if you asked them?”
It was quite a conversation. She was unsure and afraid. Ultimately she agreed to meet with her teachers by herself, apologize for her behavior in class and for not completing her assignments. Her teachers were amazing. They agreed, but only if she would sign a contract that said this was her last chance. If she did not complete the work, she could never again expect her teachers to make an allowance or accommodation for her. She signed it. Then I took on a project to raise the most money I had ever raised for the foundation and we supported each other.
Claudia completed every assignment, the do-overs and her current work on time and on her own. She never had another behavioral referral. She raised her GPA to a 3.2. She went out for the basketball team and performed in the school talent show. And I met my fund-raising target. We stretched each other, we laughed a lot and cried some. There were days when neither one of us knew what our next step should be. We struggled, we made mistakes, and we succeeded. It was worth every minute of it.
In a professional setting, the issues that a mentee/protege address may be very different than those of an at-risk youth. But the principles are the same and the transformation is the same. The only difference is the starting point.